In an earlier post, I made a comment some might think one call is not enough. Whoops! If you are a BIG TALKER, one call might be enough. 
Empathy – Correction
Empathy
Websters defines empathy as “the projection of one’s own personality into the personality of another in order to understand the person better; ability to share in another’s emotions, thoughts, or feelings.” How can we care unless we exhibit a little bit of empathy? One thing Wendy and I have learned through the loss of our Hudson Stone is the need for empathy in showing care and concern for those who are hurting.
John MacArthur, in Safe in the Arms of God, reports that statistics show that 25% of all conceptions end prematurely by the 20th week, where we were when we lost Hudson. Of those 75% end in the first twelve weeks (4). The statistics in themselves are not comforting although it does show a family that they do not sit alone. There are others who have walked through this “valley of the shadow of death.” Yet it still hurts.
What we’ve learned really brings shame to us and a challenge for the future ministry God gives us. Over our years together, Wendy and I have known several people who have gone through the same situation, but our response was much less than it could have been. Oh, how I wish we would have been more persistent and faithful to minister in those situations further than one phone call or a hug and an “I’m sorry.” Sometimes it takes a shoulder, an ear, an hour, or more. But it definitely involves you/me/us. It involves a little empathy to care, to listen, to love, to help in bearing the burden of hurting people who need the love of Christ poured into their lives. The need demands it.
Don’t get me wrong. We have had great support from family and friends who call, email, talk, pray, and sit with us in the late hours of the night. They have laughed and cried with us. They have encouraged us through this time. This is not a complaint, but a reminder and a challenge to my family and to others. Don’t be afraid to show a little empathy and get involved intimately and persistently with the grieving process.
JB
Precious Baby
Psalm 139:13-18
13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.(1 )Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.
I know that the Giver of Life is Sovereign and that His will prevails. I know that He is love and very gracious. I know that He is holy and that He is just. Yet sometimes in life events happen that radically challenge the assurance of who He is and how much He cares.
This past Friday, my wife and I found out that we were to have our first baby boy (our 4th child). It happened that we found out (the baby was a boy) when the pregnancy ended just after 20 weeks and she had to deliver him in the early hours of Saturday morning. The news broke our hearts and the hospital experience was traumatic to say the least as Wendy had to endure the entire labor process knowing the baby wouldn’t be coming home with us.
The doctors and nurses, along with other staff, were awesome. Their care and concern, along with gentle encouragement, was greatly appreciated. Family and friends gathered around, called, and sent cards and flowers. We definitely knew great love during this time, but nevertheless, something is missing. We were so excited to be welcoming this new Baker into the family. Our girls were so excited about the middle of February, the due date. Whatever the gender, we had great plans over the next few months and many years. But now, everything has changed!
Let me tell you: When you are in the middle of the circumstance, statistics about the frequency of miscarriage does not bring much comfort. The statements, “God knows best!” and “God is in control!” sounds more like a counseling cliche than a compassionate, caring word of hope (especially if those words are said with cheer!). Yes, we know that all those things are true and we genuinely believe them, but at times those statements just do not bring comfort. Two things stick out in my mind that have brought comfort to us in this time: Presence and Hope.
The presence that has really given us comfort first is the presence of Christ in our lives. As I have read and studied Scripture over the course of the past few days, over and over, the Spirit of God which lives in me has confirmed that He is in control. I know that through His Word he has brought comfort and a sense of preparedness to this situation. Our God reigns! In the dark of the night and in the trial of a difficult delivery, I watched with fear and dread for my dearly beloved and I cried a river of tears from the brokeness and helplessness I felt. Yet right there, there was a sense of God holding us and sustaining us in the midst of the pain. He is real. He was there. And God be praised for His wonderful presence.
Another presence that brought comfort to us was the presence of our family and friends. Maybe you’ve heard the statement, “It doesn’t matter what you say. Just being there is what counts.” From our experience, that is extremely true. Our family gathered around us and for that we are truly grateful. My mother-in-law stayed all through the night Fri./Sat. and my brother, sister-in-law, and sister were there ’til the early hours of Saturday morning. They brought strength in a great time of need. God be praised for our wonderful family and for their presence through this difficult time.
The greatest source of comfort for our family was and still is our Wonderful Savior and the hope we have in Him. We know that our Lord is in control and whatever reason He allowed our precious son to die prematurely (in our time) we may never understand. Really, it doesn’t matter! What does matter is that through the blood of Christ and the faith He has given us in Him, we can look forward to the day in which our son will be introduced to us officially in heaven. Then, there will be no more death nor parting, no sorrow or pain. God be praised for His promise of heaven and for eternal given through Jesus to all who believe in Him.
For now, we buried our precious son, Hudson Stone Baker, on Monday evening. We ordered his monument today. We cry. We grieve. We wonder. We hope. We hope in Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith, the Promise and Provider of eternal life, and the Source of Strength. Hudson may have been a big teddy bear or docile like me. He may have been as stubborn and driven as his mother. He may have been as brilliant as Hannah or as loving as Ally. He could have been as funny as Savannah, or his own little man. But what we do know today is that he is like Jesus, at home with Him.
The Scripture above comforts us to know that Hudson was a beautiful creation of Almighty God, not a mere happening. His days were governed by our Sovereign Lord and in our Lord’s love, He called him home. Home! That’s where he is tonight and that’s where we’ll someday be, Home!
We’ll be home soon!
